250- Wow... that is a big number!

250 is a big number.  I'm closing in on the 100 count down.  Can't believe it! That is a lot of writing :).

So this is a make up blog for last Thursday...

Today was the day I had to face my fear and admit my failure.  I had to talk or message the Editor of the devotional book and let her know it wasn't going to be in.  I also had to face my boss and tell him too!  Two huge hurdles.  Two very uncomfortable moments.  I was invited to a coffee shop by my girl, where we could do work on the computer, and get delicious coffee too!  I was excited, to spend time with my girl and to be able to blog.... (or so I thought).  I also had some labels to make and other work that needed to get done.  Off we went.  Mr. Anderson was taking the recruiting team out for dinner so I had no responsibilities except to get my work done.  We settled down at a wonderful round wooden table in this amazing coffee shop.  It was one of those places that just feeds all your senses at once. The tables were rustic and amazing, there was lots of space, the smells were amazing, it was a perfect place to be.  Soon after arriving we realized my simple solution to making labels was not going to work.  I was devastated. Now I not only had to muster the strength to tell my boss and the editor about the devotional book but I also had to figure out a way to print labels.  I almost started crying, I couldn't imagine one more thing going wrong this week.  I needed to be proud of something!  I needed to feel like I could complete and have something to show for all the hours I work... on and on and on. 

There in my despair I started labeling what I could as (C).  I literally would picture stinky disgusting crap.  This was one of those times when I felt just over whelmed with the stinky stuff so I took some time, closed my eyes and started visualizing the act of putting it down, washing it off. Letting go.  I am not a failure if I don't have labels.  Stop accepting the crap and ask the Lord to guide and direct.  Where do I go from here.  What comes next.  If I can't print them the way I had planned, then what.  About that time I received a call from Rick wanting to make sure we knew we were invited to dinner.  I wasn't sure I wanted to go, not sure if I had time, but everyone else seemed interested so we packed up and headed to meet them.

While at the restaurant Rick and I both received texts from the editor wanting to know what was going on.  I told Rick and then texted the editor back.  We exchanged a few texts over the course of the next hour or so.  It was making me sick to my stomach but I kept thinking about leaning on the motorcycle to the right, and I kept just breathing deep and continuing forward. I made it through, although I still felt terrible. Sad really.  Sad, I had not been able to get it done, sad, I was disappointing the editor who works so hard to make it happen.  Sad, but sad is better than self loathing, self destruction or other piles of crap!

Over all it was a good day.  I made those difficult right turns and made it through.  Chris helped me buy a printer, (which I have been needing anyway) and by evening we were printing some pretty amazing labels. 

I was so thankful for this process today.  Thanks to the conscientious efforts to identify and put down the crap I was able to get through a very challenging day.

Today MtC strengthened me.  Letting go gave me the strength to make the sharp right hand turn.  It gave me the ability to continue on!  As I got into bed, I was quite weepy.  The tears were, tears of relief and I was so thankful to be crying!