261- Speak my mind!

Today I had an experience that I want to share.  Before I do I must warn you!  I know this is not what is expected or what I should probably do.  I want to tell you a story that brightened my day! A story that warmed my heart, put things in perspective and gave me one more way to live MtC.  Yet this story should not be told.... or at least that is how I perceive it.  I realize that stories like the one I'm about to share should only be told by an onlooker or a bystander or the main character in the story. It should not be told by me.... but I am about to speak my mind!  I am not telling this because of any reason other than I want to share how I was blessed today!

I had been at a school with the students on the recruiting team.  We were moving furniture, books, computers, weeding, anything that was needed.  We worked for several hours and then headed down the road for a quick bite to eat.  We went to Moe's.  After ordering my food I went and started to get a drink.  I knew I should drink water, I wanted soda, I decided on tea, sweet... unsweet....sweet... unsweet.... SWEET!  I decided it was better than soda, not as good as water or unsweet.... just a good in between.  Ok, I knew I was making excuses, but I was going to do it anyway.  So I fill my cup with ice and then I started to dispense the sweet tea into my cup... and the ENTIRE nozzle fell out into my hand sending a geyser of warm tea about 3 feet out onto the floor, all over me, my sandals, my shirt.  I quickly tried to put the nozzle back which created a fountain, so now it was in my hair.  I decided there was no way to make it stop so I just put my thumb over the hole and it worked.  About that time the lady from behind the counter came to help.  She had an average size cup and she insisted she had it... I took my thumb off and again the geyser went everywhere.  I quickly put my thumb back on and she then replaced it with her thumb and waited for a guy to come and carry it into the kitchen while she kept her thumb in place.  What a mess.  My purse and all it's contents were soaking with sweet tea. I was covered.  I tried to clean out my purse but the dryer it got the stickier it got.  Oh why didn't I pick unsweet!!!!!  I kept beating myself up over the malfunction of their equipment..... OK I was really upset about the fact that I had chosen sweet tea and now I couldn't even fake it because I was soaked in it, I was sticking to everything, and everything in my purse I could carry palm open because it just stuck to me.  First of all, when it first happened I caught the eyes of a woman whose table was closest to the mess and her face showed that of disgust.  I felt like a little kid who had broken something and everyone was now mad. Even the lady who came to help me didn't apologize, no one from the store did, leaving me feeling ick.  I know for those of you who are adults reading this you are thinking.... good grief Beth.... their dispenser broke.... it was not your fault.... don't sweat it....!!!!

I know!  I know it logically, but it is not the logical thoughts that haunt me, or the logical thoughts that make up much of the Crap I am trying to rid myself of.  I am saying in that split second, I felt little.  I had to go outside and empty my purse because there was so much tea in it I didn't want to get it all over the floor inside.  So outside I stood there with Stacy a friend and we had to empty the contents of my purse for all the world to see as we decided what was salvageable and what needed to just be thrown away.  Stacy finally just went and got a plastic bag and we put everything in it and  left my purse outside to dry.  

After this eventful lunch we headed back to do a little more work at the school, before heading back to shower and get ready for vacation bible school.  I now felt so disgusting.  I was sticky from head to toe, and I realized I was fighting piles of Crap. 

We left a couple hours later and the gas light came on in the Shuttle as I started it. Now we needed gas.... I was so tired overwhelmed that I just almost could not bear to stop.  I wanted to cry and take a shower, I wanted to stop feeling like a stupid child and rid myself of the sticky reminder of it all!  I did not want to stop for gas, have to get into my sticky wallet to take out my sticky credit card to pay for gas!!!!!!!!!

I had no choice.  There was a gas station just minutes away and we stopped.  I wanted to ask a student to pump the gas but frankly I felt too weak to muster the question.  I got out into the heat, and started pumping gas.  Now to fill a shuttle takes a long time, a really long time.  I just leaned up against the shuttle and obsessed about my day. I was wallowing in self pitty! It was ugly.  Then a car drove up on the other side of the pump directly across from me.  It was an older SUV with a large African American woman driving. She proceeded to fumble through her purse and pull out three dollar bills, then she went to digging in her purse.  Her window was down and I could hear the coins and then saw her counting.  Then she picked up a jar of pennies.... my pump stopped and I stepped around to her side of the pump approached her car and scared her to death!!! She jumped, I apologized and then asked if I could fill up her car?  She said, "Yes?"  as a question.  I started to run my credit card through the card reader and I hear her say, "what will I owe you?"  I told her nothing.  She then kept saying, "I can't believe it, I can't believe it."  I started the gas going, and she got out of the car, as she approached me I noticed her shirt was a McDonalds polo shirt,  she asked if she could give me a hug and we embraced.  I have to say it was longer than a normal stranger hug.  I needed that hug as much as she did.  As I had watched her count out dollars and change, I saw myself.... forgetting credit cards, being so disorganized, eating too much sugar (drinking sweet tea.... or wearing it!) This lady was me, and I wanted to help me!

After we hugged, she again asked if she owed me anything and I assured her nothing!  I smiled and got back in the shuttle and drove away.  I can tell you in that moment, I had buried deep the crap of the day and more! It was not just buried, but it was already sprouting Red Poppies!  I could not believe the difference. I went from being miserable to joy filled! The CRAP was gone!!!! Absolutely gone! 

I know a good story of people helping people should never be told by the person doing the helping.  It somehow in our minds takes away from the story.  But tonight I wanted to speak my mind!!!! I wanted to tell it like it is!  We need to be talking about helping!  We need to be sharing how healing it is!!!!! I am not bragging, but speaking my mind, and tonight my mind is filled with gratitude for the lessons I learned!

 I wanted tonight to share with you the good, the bad and the sticky of my day!  It was quite a day, but hands down one of the strongest lessons I have learned so far. I have known it is good to help others to focus on others, but today I experienced in a powerful way how healing it is!  I have done things like this before, but today I realized how much I needed to give! So many times I talk myself out of helping, I say things like, "I don't want to embarrass them, maybe they don't really need it etc. etc." Today as she dug through that purse I felt as if it were me digging, today I saw the struggle in her face, and my heart ached so much for her I could not even think of an excuse! I needed to help. This was not in any way a selfless act! I gained so much.

Today living MtC was made possible because of giving!