It is hard to believe the week is almost done. It has been a busy and very eventful week. This morning however, I felt overwhelmed. We had to help out with a fun run 5K/Mile Run/Walk that started at 8, which meant we had to be there at 7:30 a.m. That is hard to do when you are tired from a long week.
After working at the fun run we ended up at the house where Chris had breakfast for all of us. As Becca and I talked about the day and all that had to be done, I became overwhelmed. It has been happening more than normal recently. I'm not sure why. This time it was almost crippling. It seemed impossible. As we started talking Becca suggested some things she could help with. Chris asked what he could do, and I gave him a list. In a matter of a couple hours the list was down to almost nothing. It was a team effort for sure, it took me admitting all that needed to be done! Yet with that vulnerability came help that completely changed my day!
It was the most remarkable experience. I went from KNOWing there was no way I would ever finish the list, to, having it ALL done! I sat on the porch and looked at the list sure I must not have put something on it! Surely I had missed something, or many things because just moments earlier I was so stressed. Now there was nothing! As hard as I tried I could not find anything! Again.... I wanted to cry!!!!
This admitting your vulnerability thing is amazing! I will say this.... in a very sick way, I had to adjust to having accomplished so much without killing myself to make it happen. I have gained so much of my self worth, so much of my value from killing myself to get things done. I "like" to sit back at the end of the day exhausted and amazed at all the work I have done, the crazy things that were accomplished. I like to be the one hauling heavy boxes, I like to be the one running errands and do everything that needs to be done. I love being able to tell those around me that I don't need a thing, because that makes me the hero.... I have spent way to much of my life gaining my worth form what I do, what I accomplish, instead of just who I am!
Today living MtC meant letting others help! What a blessed Friday it was!
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