So just when I think there is nothing to blog about, nothing important happening...well, WOW, is all I have to say. Today I have spent time helping out the youth department of our church transform their room. It has been a day about serving, designing, and sadly plenty of (C). As I was driving home this evening after a long day of shopping I was contemplating what I would blog about and reviewing my day. I also started reviewing my progress in this journey or the lack there of. I started thinking about the health part of this journey and trying to eat as I know I should. To stop listening to others and eat right! To stop rebelling and honor my body by putting what I should in it. Then the defeatist (C) started flowing. I was remembering the cake I had just eaten, the french fries last night and so on and so forth. I also remembered the conviction I had to go ahead and put together some promotional materials for speaking and start getting my name out and see where God leads, then the (C) started flowing again. After all, other than one afternoon I have not gotten anything done. I started telling myself that this process is failing and just taking up time..... and so much more I don't care to repeat!
I arrive home, dropped into my chair picked up my computer, checked email and started questioning my purchase decisions for the church. Now to understand how ridiculous this was,I have to tell you that all day I had be amazed at how the Lord had lead! It had gone so well yet one email from another craigs list couch possibility and I start questioning all the direction I knew we had received. So much (C)!!!!
Then about the time I was drowning in the (C) I got a message on facebook asking if I might be available to be the speaker for a Women's Ministry event in Washington state. As I sat and read the message asking for materials, a fee, a sample, etc, I realized the (C) I had been holding on to all day. Sadly this was the first moment I realized how much (C) there was. The fact that I didn't even realize I was holding on to the (C) all day, is significant. I am so comfortable or used to a life where I hold on to it, I don't even realize I am doing it!
What a blessing the invitation was. I don't know if it will work out or not. Frankly it doesn't matter. What matters is, no matter my failures, no matter my inadequacies, I must remember this is a journey and I am not walking it alone. He is with me all the way. Today He had a particular wonderful way of reminding me He is right beside me. Tonight, I know He was encouraging me to keep going forward. To eat better, to keep moving forward. To not let my insecurities or (C) paralyze me when I need to be moving forward with the work he has blessed me with. Tonight I want to say He is real, He is interested, He loves me!
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