Day 23- It is better to eat Twinkies with Friends than Broccoli Alone!

Thank you Pastor Gary for the title of today's blog.  It is a quote from his sermon. I love it!  In fact if you will allow me to use it I may make it a title for a talk at a women's retreat. It is something I will never forget and that is what great sermons are made of!

So why that as the title for today's blog.  Well, this past week I have asked myself the question, why blog and not just journal.  Journaling has been known to be quite therapeutic for many people. Therapists use it all the time, for a multitude of reasons.  It seems the most important part of this process is just the journaling, not having people read it. I mean really what good does it do me to have you read about my (C).  I have questioned my motives for blogging.  For example am I just so sanguine I need people to know about what is going on in my life? (Probably some truth in that.)  Is it an ego thing? Perhaps. At first I thought it was important to blog because it holds me accountable. 

This week getting the encouraging words from close friends has been such an important part of giving me strength to take the steps I needed to. I have also appreciated the heightened intimacy it has created between me and Chris.  It is wonderful having him know me! Tonight we were driving home and he very lovingly touched my cheek. I expressed how much I enjoy it when he lovingly touches my face.  To me it is one of the most intimate loving touches. Then I continued on to say, "except for the fact I am afraid you are going to feel a stray facial hair that shouldn't be there and it might gross you out."  (you know what I'm talking about ladies!)  Without missing a beat he rolled down my window and say, "Throw that Crap right out the window!!! I want it gone before we get home!"  We both laughed, but how right he was.  How wonderful to have him participating in such a loving and accepting way in this process.

Even with all these reasons I have still been questioning it. Then today Pastor Gary preached a wonderful sermon about the importance of having deep and meaningful relationships.  People in meaningful relationships who smoke and all manner of bad health habits are more healthy than health nuts who are alone.  "It is better to eat Twinkies with friends than broccoli alone!" First of all, the importance of meaningful connections and friendships will be added to my "health" plan. It also reminded me of how important it is for us to learn to be vulnerable and open with each other.  We can't have meaningful relationships with plastic faces, and sin in the closet.  We can't have meaningful relationships if we are always pretending to be someone we are not. If we are only willing to share the persona of having it all together, it is not truth and therefore can not be real!

I also believe bringing our struggles into the light (bringing them before God, and not trying to hide) is the best way to start the process of letting them go.  What makes things like pornography addictions and other sexual sins so difficult to break is because we keep them so hidden. It is too taboo to mention. What a great way for Satan to keep us holding onto the crap.

Today our elder told me he was our elder.  He put his arm around me and said, "Do you need a hug? I have been thinking I should come visit you and Chris, I'm your elder, I bet you didn't even know that."  I agreed that I had not realized, but expressed my pleasure at realizing we were assigned to him.  He then said, "I guess I feel like you all have it so together and I am so messed up there is no point."  I assured him that was crazy.  (I wanted to say, "That is a big old pile of Crap and you need to let it go!)  That would have been funny, since he has no idea about this blog and the process I am going through.  But truly how sad. No one on this earth has it all together.  I wanted to share my blog with Him right then and there and say, "this will cure you of that misconception!"  Not to brag about the crap but perhaps to start the process of a real and meaningful relationship. At the point we start thinking we having it all together we need to get back on our knees!

A combination of your response to my blog, my husbands response, my pastor's sermon, and my elders comment, finally convinced me that the questions, the questioning of my motives for blogging is just one more pile of (C)!  I need to blog because I need meaningful relationships so I can invite you over and we can eat Twinkies! I need to blog because Crap is so much more obvious in the Light! For years when I would make comments, like I did tonight to Chris about facial hair or any other insecurity, he has always tried to assure me, tonight he called it what it was. He shined a light on it and said, "Yep it's CRAP".  Being the visual person I am what a wonderful gift. He was right! I also realized this week how much I need each one of you in this process. The numbers are growing and I need you all.  The prayers, the encouragement and sometimes the flashlight highlighting the crap.  I thank you! Your comments and your love are so felt and appreciated!  I feel connected, sometimes I feel exposed, and tonight I KNOW you are one of the most important parts of this process! Thank you for giving up your time to read and respond.  Thank you for loving me.  Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your wisdom! Thank you!