So last night I headed to bed, spent some time praying, listening, waiting, hoping to have some insight into why I struggle with those days. This morning I woke up, said a prayer, spent some time with my man, cried a little (I hate saying good-by). Packed for more than a week away from home and headed out the door.
Still no brilliant insight...
Then I get an email from DeeDee, such a sweet email. She shared her own personal experience of realizing she was a procrastinator and a perfectionist... There was that word again. Perfectionist. As I posted very early in this process I have never considered myself that because I have this view of what a perfectionist is and I don't fit it. After all a perfectionist has a perfect world... Right!?! Yea, not so. I know I blogged about that earlier but I really believe that is part of my problem. See when I say I need to do laundry, I am not just thinking about laundry. It is the laundry, sorting and organizing my drawers, cleaning out the closet. Making sure the drawers have liners in them. Making sure the laundry room is clean and in order, and so on and so on. It sound ridiculousness to write. But all of that is in a split second, a moment. It all flashes before me and leaves me crushing under the knowledge that there is no way I can do it all. So I do nothing! I mean what is the point of doing my laundry if there is no clean and neat place to put all the clean clothes. What is the point of folding clothes if there isn't an organized drawer to put them in.
So what on earth do I do with this new revelation that I might be a perfectionist. If it is true, that completely changes everything I have ever thought of perfectionists, and myself. A lot to think about. Falling asleep, so tired tonight. I'll write more in the morning.Goodnight.
No comments:
Post a Comment