Perhaps it is a let down after such a wonderful weekend. Perhaps it is just struggling with (C), but today has been a difficult day. I had a hard time getting going. Doing the things I needed to do. Spent the morning on the phone working, (MPA work). Spent the afternoon, doing more work and a short nap. I just had a hard time. These are the days I need to figure out. These days seem to happen to frequently. I have had a hard time putting my finger on what is wrong. I did get work done, but for the most part had a hard time feeling motivated. Planned to run...didn't. Planned to get all the beds washed and remade...didn't. Planned to get all my laundry done..didn't. Planned to get a couple projects done for work...did. Planned to work on my speaking flier... did. Planned to cook a wonderful dinner for Chris...didn't (went out). Planned to spend time with God...did pray, didn't read. Planned to call a friend...didn't.
These are the days I struggle all kinds of negative thoughts about myself. The issue is, is it (C) or is it truth that I need to use to make a change? I'm not sure. Perhaps I expect to much. Perhaps I'm lazy. Perhaps I'm struggling with issues that make it hard to be motivated as I should. Perhaps, that is just an excuse.
Tonight I am going to head to bed and spend some time in prayer. I don't want to use this process to excuse bad behavior. Tonight, I am not going to beat myself up, but honestly reflect on what I did and didn't do. I want to search my heart, without shame. I want to search my heart, letting Christ guiding the search. I'll let you know tomorrow what turns up :).
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