Day 20!!!

Day 20, that sounds nice, big, quite amazing for me.  20 days.  Only 345 days to go! 

So today has been a stinker of a day. It has just been one of those days when everyone and everything seemed to get under my skin.  It started off getting mad at myself because the more I tried to work on a brochure the more frustrated I got.  Nothing was working. I couldn't come up with a good design or layout. I can't remember titles of speeches I have given.  I couldn't even remember topics. I was just failing at the process. Then I looked at my watch and realized that the day was half gone and I had not even gotten my shower, much less gone out to shop for "form showing" dance outfit to wear tomorrow night.  Things were getting worse. Then the phone rang and John asked me to meet him at the church because he had forgotten his key. At first I wanted to scream and then I thought my shopping would be that direction so why not.  After a shower and throwing on clothes I headed out to meet John at the church.  When I arrived at the church I discovered that there was no one else to help John unload the sectional sofa from the trailer and bring it into the church.  Just John and me.

Now I don't like saying No.  I especially don't like saying, "I can't" so in spite of the fact that am just recovering from hurting my back a week ago, I carried the sofa inside.  It made me mad.  Not mad that John asked, but mad at myself for not having the strength and common sense to say NO!

Oh, yea.  I forgot to tell you about another phone call.  When I got out of the shower my Dad called wanting to know if I would be willing to talk to my mom.  When mom got on the phone she was asking if I would be willing to go to Ikea and pick up a sink for her.  I told her I would try.  This also made me mad.  Now half my day was gone, I had to go help John at the church and then go to Ikea for mom and the real  chore of the day, finding dancing clothes, was getting less and less time.

Ok, so I finished unloading the sectional and then I head out to as many stores as I could find on the way to Ikea. I was somewhat successful in finding "dance" clothes. It was less pleasant that shopping for bathing suits but I survived. Then on to Ikea.  This was the last straw.  I didn't want to, so I already have a bad attitude.  Then, as I walked in the door there was a "helpful" lady who I asked where I should go if I was trying to find a sink that was on hold for me.  She sent me to furniture pick up. (clear on the other end of this very large lower level) The "helpful" people at the furniture pick up had no idea what I was talking about.  They then directed me to the kitchen department.  So back all the way across the very large lower level, up the stairs and then wind around and around and around until I finally came to the kitchen department.  Then after picking up a piece of paper from a man there, he sent me down stairs to check out.  That ment winding around and around and around until I finally came to the check out.  I stood in line just to have the check out lady tell me she had to close her line. Switch lines and stand in line again. Finally check out.  The check out lady told me to go to the "helpful" Furniture pick up department (again).  I head the the furniture pick up department where they told me to go get my car bring it to the loading area and in five minutes they would bring the sink to my car.  25 minutes later I went back in side and back to the furniture pick up department where there was a different girl.  I told her that I was waiting for the sink to be brought out to the car.  I told her I had been waiting for 25 min. and she  said, "why have you been doing that it is right here for you to take." When I told her what the previous lady had told me she made a "your an idiot" face and informed me that they didn't do that.  She then handed me a cart with the sink.  I asked her about help getting it in my car and she said, (with the same your an idiot attitude) "there are 2 guys out there to help".  Now I had been out there waiting for 25 min. and there wasn't anyone out there the whole time.  So I go outside and thankfully there was a guy helping someone else. He finally came and helped me get the sink in the car. 

I know this is a very boring read, bottom line at this point I was furious, more at myself than anyone.  Mad that I was willing to let everything get in the way of  doing the one thing I needed to get done.  Mad that for some reason my anger was disproportionate to my day.  Really all that happened was that I had 2 errands I needed to do that I hadn't planned for and Ikea took a long time, but it wasn't a big deal, yet I was so angry I could cry. So as I sat through the same light 6 times, (terrible rush hour traffic) I asked myself what was REALLY going on.  I checked my calendar to see if my period could be a factor, but no.  Then, I reflected on my day and realized that honestly the problem was not my mom, not John, not even Ikea, but it was my insecurity about dance class, being exposed, having to wear "form revealing" clothes. I am going to go into a room full of strangers and mirrors and try something I know will be very challenging for me.  My fear, my insecurities, my panic was instead coming out as anger at everyone.

I'm exhausted.  Shopping was rough, being so frustrated all day really takes it out of you.  I called Chris and we went to our favorite place to eat in our little town.  It was lovely, we had a delightful time and the rest of the evening has been spent working on the brochure.

Tonight I was reminded of the verse, "Come unto me all ye who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light."  Tonight I need to come to Him.  I need his rest.  I want to take his yoke and leave mine behind.  I want to put down this stuff and tonight rest in Him, rest with Him, really rest! 

I know that going to dance class tomorrow night is the right thing to do.  I feel very confident in that, however it will take putting all the (C) down.  I need to put the (C) at the feet of Jesus, so I can be free to dance.  Please if you are reading this before tomorrow at 8:30pm. I could use your prayers. Tomorrow at this time I will be blogging about my first dance class.  How amazing is that!!!!!

Goodnight, I'm going to REST!